hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
