I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
