my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
