I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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