Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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