I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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