Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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