he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize