No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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