Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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