i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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