when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
