my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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