woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
