i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
