My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
