I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
