So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize