I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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