he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
