we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
