i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
