I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize