he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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