is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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