Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
