Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
