absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This is not my ceiling
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize