You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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