I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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