He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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