Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
