No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
