You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
