I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
