I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize