You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
