Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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