I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
third nipple confirmed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am available for nakedness
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
