the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize