Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And then he peed in my hair
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