Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
