bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
