dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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