Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
