Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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