never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
