I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
