He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i out mim tonsoeep
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize