We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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