you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
