I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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