so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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