First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
