Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize