u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
