to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
