I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize