Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
