I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
