If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
