I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
