Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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