I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize