Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
