6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
