Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
