I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize