pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
