yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
