Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
