If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
