I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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