ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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