He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
