Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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