I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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