and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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