plz talk dirty to me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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