Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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