please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
