you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
