she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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