i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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