a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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