When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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