Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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