it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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