she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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