i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
