one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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