Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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