k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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