I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
