Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
