You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
