He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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