Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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