im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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