I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize