so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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