So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
