he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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