remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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