eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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