I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
