It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
