I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
