I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
