I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
