White coat. Heels.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
