I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
